Fallen: A Pastor's Story of Recovery

(from our Late Summer newsletter)
By Dan P. - Part 1 of 4: Make It On My Own
Forgive me for beginning where I must, but I have been studying the life of David for obvious reasons: a man after God's own heart...a leader of God's people...A man who committed adultery.
The Psalms are full of David's thoughts prior to his sin, his pain and despair from the consequences of his sin, and his reflections of God's goodness after his redemption from his sin. But what I have found most interesting was this excerpt from Psalm 38:16-18

"For I said, 'Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.' For I am about to fall and my pain is ever within me. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin."
Before everything came crashing down, I had this sense that something big and terrible was coming at me. And I knew that when it hit me, it was going to hit me hard, and it was going to hurt. I wanted to get out of the way, but for reasons I am still learning about, I couldn't make myself move.

Why was I so vulnerable to a fate I did not want but could not avoid? The reasons are multiple and deep and they overlap in many different and complex ways...but the primary reason I was so vulnerable was that there was no one in my life close enough to me who could see the approaching danger and help me get out of harm's way. There were a few people who had tried to get that close...but I never let anyone in.

Perhaps this is where you find yourself; troubled by your sin, fearful of the pain and destruction your sin will ultimately bring, but without a person close enough to you who can see the urgency of the moment and help you escape the destruction that you know is descending upon you. If this is you, please understand that I know about this place. It is a terribly lonely and intimidating place. But I want to join you there, without great sounding logic, moral condemnation, or impatient demands. I just want to be present with you so that together we can find safety.

The Eagles have always been one of my favorite bands from the 70's. One of their most popular songs is Desperado, and in that song there is a line that says, "your prison is walking through this world all alone." I never realized how true that was until I stopped walking through life all alone. Before, I dealt with life by isolating myself from others. Now, I regularly engage other men and we "do life" together.

Given my own experience, I doubt there is a better way to close than to quote the last line of the song Desperado...

"you'd better let somebody love you, before it’s too late."

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