Friday, October 8, 2010

Stories of Recovery: Transformed

Submitted by Anonymous; Tell Your Story, Anonymously if needed at

My story is one of God's transforming power, on both the inside of my heart and the outside of my heart. Over 2 years ago I recommitted my life to Christ. Wounds from my childhood influenced choices I made as a young girl, as a young adult and an adult--wounds that started in my mother's womb. My parents were expecting, the heart beat was strong and thus the thought was they were going to have a boy. Two months premature they received identical twin girls. My parents unintentionally projected onto me the boy they never received. This began in my mother's womb, and at a very young age I began to learn how to perform to feel valued, to be recognized, to obtain affirmation in order to not feel rejected or alone. I became my Dad's buddy, his helper and an "affirmation junky." He taught me how to play sports: basketball, baseball, golf, football. I even received a complete football uniform, helmet, shoulder pads and jersey on my 5th Christmas--my identical twin sister received a doll with all the accessories. I quickly became a "tom-girl", playing with the neighborhood boys. I wore more masculine clothing and was not really interested in wearing dresses even though my Mom did try at first. As I moved into Elementary school it became harder for me to relate to the boys and somewhat difficult to relate to the girls, so I started to become an "introvert" and isolate. My identity had been violated.

Read the full story at

Friday, October 1, 2010

Treasures of the Soul: The Keepsake of Boundaries

By Guest Author Eli Machen
This is the first article in a 5 article series about Boundaries. (from our Late Summer 2010 newsletter)

Let's spend a little time on boundaries! The key to learning boundaries is in understanding the purpose and use of boundaries. If we understand this, then applying boundaries are much easier.
I call these the "Treasures of the Soul: the Keepsake of Boundaries".

So the first treasure we will look at is our ability/power to think what I think. Now we have been given the ability to think since childhood, yet often we have had that ability stolen from us.

Often we have been told what to or not to think and shamed when we had a thought that some adult thought was silly, wrong, or even child-like. When we are children of course we will think childlike, that is natural. And even today when we are thinking that something seems wrong with reality, or at least something someone else says is reality, we have been shamed into giving up our thinking and capitulating to someone else's way of thinking. The danger in this is that we often gravitate into systems, relationships, or marriages that we allow to think for us, or tell us what to think.

And we remain dependent on them to think for us.

It is time to take back our ability to think, at times even being wrong with that ability - it is okay. There is nothing wrong with making mistakes with the way we think; there is everything wrong with giving up our ability to think all together. That renders us at the mercy of the thinking of others. I don't know about you but if I have to live this life of mine, then I will do it with my own thinking. This by no means indicates that I don't test my thinking out with someone I trust and respect, I do! I run my thinking past my sponsor, counselor, spouse, clinical peers and mentors in business. However; when I walk away from that conversation it is clear to me that the decision is mine and my thoughts are mine, because it is my life that it effects.

I am reclaiming my life one decision and thought at a time.

Read on our website at
Eli Machen holds a Masters of Divinity degree from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and a Masters of Social Work degree from the University of Connecticut. He has 25 years of experience working with clients, leading intensive workshops, and presenting at conferences and training seminars. Along with Mark Laaser, Eli conducted the first workshops for male sex addicts starting in the early 1990s. He has worked with Bethesda Workshops since the program's beginning and is the key leader for the Healing for Men and Healing for Spouses workshops. He and his wife live in Ashville, North Carolina.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Meet the Board: Nancy Yacher

L.I.F.E. Ministries International is led by a five member board with varying backgrounds and life experiences. You may know the L.I.F.E. Ministries' Leadership Team, but we want to introduce you to the board; today, we share an interview with Brockwell Bone, editor, and Board Member Nancy Yacher.

Brockwell: God has led many of us through educational, relational, and other experiences to make us who we are; what experiences do you feel have led you to serving on the Board at L.I.F.E. Ministries?

Nancy: My family pattern growing up was to keep family emotional secrets, meaning we could not speak of feeling, think about feelings, or feel--a familiar story. The religious way to handle questions was to be stoic, and the intellectual environment my father came from through his graduate training was effectively New Age. My own Christian conversion from "spirituality" to Christianity has shown me the amazing help toward emotional health that comes from living out the life of Christ in us.

Brockwell: God has blessed each of us with unique skills and passions; what do you feel is the gift or skill He wants you to use most while serving the ministry?

Nancy: Because my father was a college professor of English, my mother a teacher of French and Spanish, and my own experience as a Danforth Graduate Fellow during my graduate training in American civilization, I have been thinking about historical and social patterns of behavior as presented in stories and related to Christian groups. Following my grandmother's tradition, I enjoy hosting groups, helping people meet other people, and supporting students by being available off campus to connect and share interests when they come to me. These social connection skills and social behavior research allow me to understand the disconnection of addiction.

Brockwell: Nancy, what do you enjoy doing in your spare time?

Nancy: Reading has always been recreation for me, especially biographies, Christian experience literature, and mysteries. I enjoy cooking imaginatively with local, seasonal food, going to plays and concerts on campus. A walk in the state park at Clinton Lake near my home with friends or with my dog is always a pleasure. I also sing in the Lawrence Civic Choir for concerts and on performance trips. And most of all, being in touch with my two sons and their families; I am blessed with five grandchildren.

Brockwell: What other Boards and organizations have you served?

Nancy: I have served at Trinity In-Home Care in my community, as well as having been on the Board of the campus Episcopal center and organized or participated in conferences on the writings of C.S. Lewis as it relates to college curriculum. Lewis is considered the "foremost Christian apologist" of the 20th century, and presented the theology and philosophy of the Christian past in Western civilization. Being able to teach his works was God's way of letting me make amends for so much of the anti-Christian teaching in the humanities these days. And students DID want that material, despite my being challenged about it's being relevant or accurate or politically correct. I see that hunger as one of God's messages to both my family and the department that this, material, too, is important. I also have delivered papers at several academic conferences, including one at Cambridge University in England, at the C.S. Lewis Foundation Summer Institute.

Read at

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fallen: A Pastor's Story of Recovery

(from our Late Summer newsletter)
By Dan P. - Part 1 of 4: Make It On My Own
Forgive me for beginning where I must, but I have been studying the life of David for obvious reasons: a man after God's own heart...a leader of God's people...A man who committed adultery.
The Psalms are full of David's thoughts prior to his sin, his pain and despair from the consequences of his sin, and his reflections of God's goodness after his redemption from his sin. But what I have found most interesting was this excerpt from Psalm 38:16-18

"For I said, 'Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my foot slips.' For I am about to fall and my pain is ever within me. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin."
Before everything came crashing down, I had this sense that something big and terrible was coming at me. And I knew that when it hit me, it was going to hit me hard, and it was going to hurt. I wanted to get out of the way, but for reasons I am still learning about, I couldn't make myself move.

Why was I so vulnerable to a fate I did not want but could not avoid? The reasons are multiple and deep and they overlap in many different and complex ways...but the primary reason I was so vulnerable was that there was no one in my life close enough to me who could see the approaching danger and help me get out of harm's way. There were a few people who had tried to get that close...but I never let anyone in.

Perhaps this is where you find yourself; troubled by your sin, fearful of the pain and destruction your sin will ultimately bring, but without a person close enough to you who can see the urgency of the moment and help you escape the destruction that you know is descending upon you. If this is you, please understand that I know about this place. It is a terribly lonely and intimidating place. But I want to join you there, without great sounding logic, moral condemnation, or impatient demands. I just want to be present with you so that together we can find safety.

The Eagles have always been one of my favorite bands from the 70's. One of their most popular songs is Desperado, and in that song there is a line that says, "your prison is walking through this world all alone." I never realized how true that was until I stopped walking through life all alone. Before, I dealt with life by isolating myself from others. Now, I regularly engage other men and we "do life" together.

Given my own experience, I doubt there is a better way to close than to quote the last line of the song Desperado...

"you'd better let somebody love you, before it’s too late."

Read this on our website at

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Spouse's Facilitator's Calls Return

It's September and time to begin our monthly conference calls for facilitators of LIFE Spouses' Groups. If you are currently facilitating a spouses' group or are interested in beginning a group in your area, the conference call is a great place to dialogue with other facilitators and learn from those who are ministering to spouses across the country. Melissa Haas, author of the LIFE Guide for Spouses, hosts the call--providing training and support for facilitators. There is also a time for questions and problem-solving on each call. September's call will take place on Tuesday, September 28th, at 8:00 p.m. EST. If you are interested in registering for the call.... This month's topic is "Dealing with Disclosure."

Friday, September 10, 2010

Walk in the Light Conference Review

(from our Late Summer 2010 newsletter)
The Walk in the Light 2010 conference was more energizing and fulfilling than we could have ever imagined!

We want to thank the participants for making this conference a success and traveling across the country from as far away as Maryland and Arizona. This conference hosted individuals in recovery, facilitators - even entire leadership groups came! Participants enjoyed opportunities to network during lunch and drew strength knowing others were alongside them in this battle to restore purity. Counselors and pastors alike were also equipped to better serve and challenge in their sphere of influence.

As testimonies were made throughout each day, there was a glorious witness to God’s power and goodness that declared lives can be changed through recovery. The Lord’s presence was felt throughout the conference but there was a particularly sweet time of prayer after a family testimony when men and women came forward laying down their guard to let the Holy Spirit fill their souls. O how the Lord encourages us through you!

Participants graciously gave essential feedback and encouraging comments that helps us hold fast to the vision that God has given L.I.F.E. Ministries. We are so grateful and humbled to provide L.I.F.E. Recovery Training with cutting edge research and recovery information at a level of excellence that can only come from Him. We admit through this process we most assuredly will continue to accumulate considerable amounts of valuable material, so we are reorganizing the format to deliver this information in a more palatable format. We encourage you to look to L.I.F.E. Recovery Training to build upon your training experiences and to equip and empower your leadership and recovery skills.

Considering all of the value that comes from providing L.I.F.E. Recovery Training, nothing is more rewarding than to see previously despairing people catch a vision of hope and purpose, only Jesus can do that! We are privileged to walk with you united as God’s army battling sexual addiction.

L.I.F.E. Ministries International

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

What You Can Expect ... Boundaries

In the Boundaries module at the Walk in the Light 2010 conference, the recurring question of “Why is setting boundaries so difficult???” will be explored. In this module, you will…
- Establish the foundation for recovery.
- Identify external and internal resistance to recovery.
- Gain a deeper, more personal understanding of your responsibilities in setting healthy boundaries.
If you have not registered yet to attend the Walk in the Light 2010 conference in Orlando on July 9th and 10th, register now at

Friday, June 25, 2010

Healthy Intimacy ... What You Can Expect

Another module in the Walk in the Light 2010 conference is Healthy Intimacy. Whether single or married this tract is a must if you desire deeper and more meaningful relationships.

In this module, you will …

• Explore God’s design for sexuality.

• Learn intimacy dynamics for any relationship.
• Learn marriage principles and responsibilities for successful recovery.

Every tract in the Walk in the Light conference builds on each other for the purpose of restoring healthy intimate relationships, whether single or married you will benefit from applying this information and tools.

If you have not registered yet to attend the Walk in the Light 2010 conference in Orlando on July 9th and 10th, register now at

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What You Can Expect ... Walk in the Light Conference 2010

One module of the upcoming Walk in the Light 2010 conference is Sexual Addiction 101. In this module, you will …

- Take an in-depth look at sexual addiction from definition to a thorough statistical portrayal of its heartbreaking effect within the body of Christ, men, women, adolescents and children.

- See how our social attitudes, appetites and neglect set up a serious pandemic in the Body.

- Take a clinical look at sexual addiction behavior including DSM5 proposed recommendations as well as signs and symptoms of sexual addiction.

- Be educated on family systems, culture’s snare and their influence in dependency. 

- Experience the time tested and proven solution for sexual addiction recovery that is available for anyone. 

If you have not registered yet to attend the Walk in the Light 2010 conference in Orlando on July 9th and 10th, register at

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Early Bird Registration Ending June 12th

The Walk in the Light Conference on July 9 & 10 in Orlando has something for everyone in the recovery process including:

What is Sexual Addiction?

Effective Recovery Methods that Escalate Healing

Responsibilities in Relationships

Five Phases of Change: The Processes of a Changing Heart

If you have not registered yet, visit

Who? Anyone involved in or interested in recovery from sexual addiction

What? 2 day conference consisting of 12 CEUs with workshops in Orlando, Florida and a special appearance Friday night by Dr. Mark Laaser

Why? To educate on sexual addiction, successful recovery methods and provide next steps to communicate this social problem comfortably to others. CEUs available.

When? July 9 & 10, 2010

Where? Center Pointe Church, Orlando, FL
9580 Curry Ford Road, Orlando, FL

Complete information at

Friday, June 4, 2010

Press Release: Sexual Addiction Recovery Conference Scheduled

Orlando, Florida – June 4, 2010 – L.I.F.E. Ministries, a sexual addiction recovery ministry, is holding its second annual sexual addiction recovery conference – Walk in the Light 2010. The conference program includes topics and workshops for anyone who is interested in sexual addiction recovery including concerned persons, support group members, group facilitators, pastors and counselors. This two day event will be held at Center Pointe Church in Orlando, Florida starting July 9th.

“The 2009 event confirmed that an annual gathering of this nature was very much needed. This year, we have expanded the event to two full days of conference presentations, workshops, and a special guest speaker on Friday night,” reports Sue Moore, L.I.F.E. Affiliate Director and conference coordinator. Moore explains that the topics covered will educate and inspire anyone involved or interested in sexual addiction recovery. Additionally, the 2010 Walk in the Light conference counts toward 12 continued education units (CEU’s) to help counselors and other professionals acquire their needed credits each year.

Dr. Mark Laaser will be the guest speaker on Friday night. The foremost Christian authority on sexual addiction recovery, he will deliver a special presentation on “The 7 Desires of Every Heart” Dr. Laaser studied under Dr. Patrick Carnes, a secular expert in the field of sexual addiction recovery . Dr. Laaser and his wife, Debbie, hold intensive workshops at their facility in Minnesota and he travels internationally as a speaker on the subject

“L.I.F.E. Ministries International is called to educate God’s people about the need for compassion and recovery in regards to this stronghold in people’s lives. In addition to our annual conference in Orlando, our team is now seeking host organizations across the country who want to educate their communities on sexual addiction and sexual addiction recovery,” comments Sue Moore. Sue explains that organizations can host L.I.F.E. Ministries for either a 3 hour seminar or a 2 day event, depending on the organization’s outreach and community education goals.

L.I.F.E. Ministries International is a Christ-centered ministry with support groups across the United States and abroad. Since 2000, L.I.F.E. Ministries has published biblically based trauma model recovery workbooks for men, women, spouses, teens, and recovering couples; as well as provided structure and support to churches, counselors, and other host organizations.

Brockwell Bone
Director of Development
L.I.F.E. Ministries International
PO Box 952317
Lake Mary, FL 32795
(866) 408-5433 x9



Thursday, May 20, 2010

Spouse's Facilitators Training Call

Join Melissa Haas, author of the L.I.F.E. Guide for Spouses, for an evening of fellowship and eduction. Melissa covers topics like group dynamics, chatty Cathy, and other true topics facilitators of spouses' support groups can relate to.
She will also open the call to your questions!

Register at

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Women's Guide Mentioned in NY Times Article

“In the Christian culture, women are supposed to be the nonsexual ones,” said Ms. Renaud, who also runs an Internet site called Dirty Girls Ministries, choosing the name to attract people searching for pornography. “It’s an injustice that the church is not more open about physical sexuality. God created sex. But the enemy has twisted it.” (WARNING! The article linked has some specific language that may be unsuitable for those new to recovery.)

Friday, April 30, 2010

Walk in the Light Conference and other news from L.I.F.E.

[ From the Directors ]
Conference this Summer
by Bob and Johna Hale, President and Executive Director

This July, L.I.F.E. will host its 2nd Annual L.I.F.E. Conference in Orlando, Florida. We are incredibly excited and feel blessed with the expansion of this conference. This year, we are increasing the conference to 2 full days of expanded content, break-out workshops, and a special Friday night guest speaker. As new developments are made in the field of sexual addiction recovery, we work to incorporate them into our conference, delivering the most up-to-date, comprehensive educational experience. We are supplementing the conference with break-out workshops for intense focus on specific topics in a more personal and interactive atmosphere. And we have invited Dr. Mark Laaser, the foremost Christian authority on sexual addiction recovery and the author of the L.I.F.E. Guide for Men, to speak the first evening of the conference on the Seven Desires of the Heart.
> Continue Reading at
> Complete Conference Information at

[ In Recovery ]
Baiting Lions Wait Patiently to Pounce
Brockwell Bone, Director of Development

Last month, I was camping with my Cub Scout and missed our church’s sermon on 1 Peter 4:7-11. Peter writes of casting all anxiety upon God. When I read this, I hear – “let go and let God”. In recovery, that is easier said than done; Peter continues, “Be self-controlled and alert” (v. 8a). Now we’re talking, Peter reinforces that yes, we should entrust our addictions to God, but we must also do our part – staying alert of triggers and remaining on our recovery path with self-control.
> Continue Reading at

[ Facilitating ]
The SA Umbrella
Sue Moore, L.I.F.E. Alliance Director

Over a year ago I began describing the concept of sexual addiction as an umbrella of coping mechanisms similar to the beverage alternatives of the alcoholic and noticed the audience easily understood the scope and inclination of sexual addiction behaviors. Shortly thereafter I placed the illustration into our training presentation and realized as I communicated the idea the connection of our shame, abandoned value, fear and doubt would be like the originating cloud and raindrops of this scenario. Praise God for such a clear picture of not only the sexual addiction behaviors, but all coping mechanisms as our response to the lies we believe. 

This graphic is now available as a full-page PDF for your use.

May He use us to speak truth to the Bride, glory to God!
Confident in Him!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

2010 Walk in the Light Conference

July 9 & 10, 2010 - Orlando, FL

Special Early Bird and L.I.F.E. Group Rates Available for a Limited Time!

L.I.F.E. Conferences deliver cutting edge information on sexual addiction origins, individual recovery, managing relationships as well as the vision and mission for recovering addicts, sponsors, facilitators, counselors, pastors, concerned parties, and anyone interested in gaining knowledge about sexual addiction recovery.

Join us at this year’s conference and with special Friday night guest speaker, Dr. Mark Laaser, the foremost Christian authority on sexual addiction recovery. Dr. Laaser will be presenting his 7 Desires of the Heart.

Complete Information at

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Teen Boys Becoming Predators Due to Porn

From the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families...

The absurd notion that pornography is just “harmless fun” has suffered a couple of setbacks in the past few weeks. According to press reports in the United Kingdom, the complete rejection of that belief cannot happen soon enough.

The British newspaper Daily Mail, in its digital Mail Online, reported in their recent article “Teen boys watching hours of internet pornography every week are treating their girlfriends like sex objects” (3/8/10) that teenage girls in London have themselves revived the concept of a chaperone for protection from the sexual demands of boyfriends who are growing up on porn.

According to teens and experts, the pervasiveness of online pornography is quite literally changing young men into sexual predators, leaving young women seeking refuge—tearfully, in some cases—in a Jane Austen-like manner and desperately desiring their parents’ guidance.

To read the remainder of this ebrief, visit